The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
