He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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