I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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