Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
