dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
