just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
