To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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