so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
