If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
