Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
