Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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