I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
