You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
