drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
