Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
