she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
