ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
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I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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