I cockslap morals
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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