I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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