I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
