Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
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Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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