As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Randomize
