i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
