It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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