i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
