I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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