why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
