dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
