i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish i was in the wii world.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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