who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
