I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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