Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
