Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
