There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When are your genitals available?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
