Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
