I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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