I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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