you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
