my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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