i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
