dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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