Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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