he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
