His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
