I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
