i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I sprained my soul last night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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