I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
