my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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