Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
