we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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