What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
