He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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