normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
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Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
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The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Please don't give away my fajitas
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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