people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
