the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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