is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
