the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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